Happy 15th Birthday Siya

Hello Siya,

Like every year, this year too I shall write something for you. Well, I do know that you find them boring today but someday when you are my age and you have kids, you will show them what all nani ma would tell about you :-).

So like every year, even this year your biggest complain is "I don't want to turn 15" basically saying "I don't want to grow up". And I always tell everyone, growing up is absolutely lovely. Yes, of course there are responsibilities, there are challenges but its all worth it. I had written for my cousin sometime back on growing old. I shall dedicate this to you as well today:

Get Old, Get Wise

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
Yes, you definitely get bold,
One stops worrying about what others think,
And you enjoy life more is what I think.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
U are much more warm and aren't cold,
Your experience is what charms others,
And rudeness and curt behaviour is what does not bother.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
Difficult you shall find to get sold.
You learn to transition to a state of being right,
You have learnt enough from your mistakes and hence no oversight.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
So there is more to do for yourself than have other to mould,
Your laugh for yourself and dance for yourself,
And start realizing that ranks, marks and appraisals are not worth for defining ourself.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
Be fearless and grateful, and smile on untold,
Take a leap one last time at whatever you feel correctly told,
There is a reason why it is said old is gold.

During these COVID times, I know you are getting terribly bored especially when you have been planning this birthday for a year. Stay assured, this too will get over and we will SHINE! Then we can party and celebrate together.

Happy birthday my love and mom dad just love you!

My body, my rules

There is a reason why all best moments of life are celebrated with dancing. Think about it, all marriages, exam results, anniversaries, etc. do have some form of celebration which includes dance. But for me, I don’t think of dancing like most of you would. It’s exaggerated but its true – dance is life for me. As Martha Graham would say “Dance is hidden language of the soul of the body”. And in-spite of that, I quit dancing a few years back. Being a mom at 25 of course puts loads of stress on you both physically and mentally. And I too had moved from “S” size to “L” size. When my daughter was 4, I decided to get back to dancing. With lots of guts, I enrolled myself for the same dance school as my daughter and knowing the fact that I might be the oldest in the lot. I still remember my first lesson, we were told to perform extempore on any song that the instructor would play. This was for auditions for a stage performance and was meant to be a solo performance. I was nervous but un-intimidated. I knew how to do this. I was in my element. The class went really well, really well. I did all of the combinations, remembered to smile. I was energetic and quick on my feet. Most importantly, I was able to keep up with the other students. I was like this teenager just enjoying her music to the fullest and dancing her heart out (well I was dancing after 7 long years). I couldn’t see anything in the classroom, there was just music and me. In that moment of euphoria, I think I gave the best performance ever. After class, I excitedly head out, surprised by how well I did and hopeful of my chances at being accepted for the stage performance. And then I hear my instructor talking to few others, “she is good, but she is big”. I stopped, trying to process this comment without crying or letting him know that I heard his comment. But in that moment, my spirit was crushed. So many thoughts swirled through my head on my way home. I couldn’t believe that the wrongness of my body’s shape carries more weight than my ability to move precisely and artfully through space. I couldn’t believe that a skinnier, potentially less-talented dancer would get “my” spot for the stage performance. But most of all, I couldn’t believe how embarrassing and utterly humiliating it feels to be turned down not because I was not good enough, but because I was not skinny enough. These thoughts eventually crystallize into confusion, questions. Why had I been blessed with these talents in this body? And just because I felt so humiliated, I never went back to that dance school. Time passed as years passed. I did many things to reduce weight with the hope that I would get back to shape and back to my stage where I would perform someday. But all in vain! I never managed to really loose back all the fat I had gained. To people, I was like this ideal women who all would aspire to be – great career, loving husband and a beautiful talented daughter. But I knew somewhere I was not fine! I was missing dancing. I wasn’t happy and I was shamed enough to not start dancing again. One day, my daughter (who is an artist) was busy putting together an artwork for her upcoming exhibition. She was sitting with her big canvas and some twenty brushes of different sizes. She called me to her room and said “thicker brushes can create as beautiful strokes as thinner ones, in fact thicker brush strokes can ONLY stand out on this BIG canvas”. And yes, I did cry that day. She said nothing and yet everything. I realized that dance is just not dancing with your body but it is dancing with your heart, mind and soul. Dancers really have to struggle at physical, emotional and mental level to realize their dreams. They have to keep perfecting their technique and go beyond their body limitations which require extreme mental strength. The following weekend, my daughter and me go together and enroll for dance lessons and this time in same class! And with the same body weight, I participated for Color’s Talent Show Singapore in 2017. I didn’t win it but I boldly and proudly held my own virtual trophy that I gave myself. And when it got telecasted on Colors channel, everyone applauded! All I told myself that day – my confidence is being comfortable with myself with my flaws and my strengths and not giving a damn about what anyone says. Being sexy is all about attitude, not body type. It’s a state of mind. All it needs is to love yourself.

Happy 14th Birthday babes - I mean Siya!

14 years ago, at this time I was in the hospital on the bed screaming in pain. Yes, I was in labor with you in my tummy all excited to get out. And today, you don't even fit in my lap! This journey from "Mom, I only get sleep when you cuddle me" to "Mom, you are so touchy", this journey from "Oh my baby" to "hi babes" has been the fastest 14 years ever of my life. Even we have grown as parents and cherish every moment spent with you. And like every year, let me get back the mom in me and advice you on few things but today I shall try the poetic way:


Hold fast to your dreams,
Never loose the drive to make a effort,
Never loose the drive to make a progress forward,
Never loose the drive to work hard,
Never loose the drive to be a team player,
Never loose the drive to learn from loosing,
Never loose the drive to celebrate your wins,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dreams.

Hold fast to your dream,
Let your dreams just not remain dreams,
Let your dreams have wings to fly high,
Let your dreams reflect your aspirations,
Let your dreams make your more responsible,
Let your dreams not stress you out,
Let your dreams have broader impact on mankind,
Let your dreams make you dream more,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Hold fast to your dream,
Be aimed and focus to achieve them,
Yet not compromising on ethical boundaries,
Be vigilant enough of people not aligned,
Yet respecting them for their view points,
Be passionate to get closer to the goal,
Yet accept that you tried your best to accomplish,
Be patient enough to see the result,
Yet agile enough to change the course,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Hold fast to your dream,
Some are big, some are small,
Some are tiring, you cant have them all,
Some come true, some will make you fall,
Some are possible, definitely not all,
Some will shatter you, some shall be a call,
Still you continue to dream, knowing you shall not have them all,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Hold fast to your dream,
Hit, run, loose, hustle,
Act, accept, admit, amuse,
Balance, attract, applaud, announce,
Challenge, dance, dive, celebrate,
Develop, earn, encourage, extend,
Inspect, improve, influence, impress,
Operate, learn, operate, juggle,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Happy Birthday Siya and have loads and loads of fun!

Happy 13th Birthday Siya!

From Tweens to Teens, Siya is now 13! Today is your 13th birthday and you will officially say good bye to your childhood and be considered as a teenager. This has been the fastest 13 years of my life - I still remember holding you for the first time and crying, I have no idea why. And even today, when I see you painting and skating and dancing and playing drums and gymnastics and table tennis - there is a tear that still just rolls over. Can't help as I am so proud of you and what you have achieved. In the world of social media and whatsapp today, being 13 can be hard. It feels as though what you look like, what you own and how many followers you have will define you. All of these are temporary happiness, its like this flash lightning that you would see on a rainy day. Only conversations and books will have the ability to shape you and your thoughts. In the end, it is not about what brand you wear but what you say, how you act and most importantly how you make others feel about you. Try your best to be authentic, know what you believe in, how you feel and what you stand for. The world is getting a difficult place to live, contribute to this planet with your kindness and compassion and help reducing sorrow. This takes practice and not easy - but stay committed to get it.

As you continue to grow up, my love grows with you, always readjusting :-). It's not really a easy thing, standing by while you untangle yourself from me. There will be days when it will mean defiance and frustration but there will be other days where you will take initiatives, solve a problem and make a decision all on your own. My mom always told me four things to keep in mind as I grew up and I would like to pass this on to you.

Always, always and always keep faith in the All Mighty. There will be days where you doubt His plans or give up on Him. Just remember, no matter where you go and what turns you take in your life, He will be always there for you.

Second is Wisdom. You are incredibly thoughtful in how you can understand the complexities of the problems and the depth of underlying conflicts within difficult situations and circumstances people face. You are incredibly thoughtful and make sure you continue to nurture this.

Third is Compassion. I am always inspired by your gestures of support and acceptance of others, and I am so often blessed by your generosity in offering encouragement to me. Stay put here, you will help mankind.

Fourth is Joy. Every single day you wake up from your deep sleep, you open your eyes and you smile. You have this innate gift which is like this organic energy that is contagious. Just make sure no pressure should take this away from you. We read "The secret" together and I am aware you so believe in power of the universe - keep that shinning bright.

Your nani will be definitely proud today that your mom remembers all of this :-)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SWEETEST, STRONGEST, PRETTIEST, FRIENDLIEST, COOLEST, CUTEST, FUNKIEST, BRIGHTEST AND THE NEWEST BORN TEENAGER IN TOWN!

Happy Birthday Siya, I love you truly, madly and deeply ... muah....

Happy 12th birthday Siya

Hi my gorgeous girl!

Wishing you a very very happy 12th birthday sweetheart! In less than a year now, you will be 13, that magical, mythical age where mother know nothing and you’ll think you know everything. While you are still young enough to listen to me now and again, and before everything I say is treated with folded arms, eyes rolled up to the heavens and loud, long suffering sighs, I wanted to write you this letter…

You’ve have grown up too fast and too soon; my earliest memory of you is this small tiny little girl so fragile that I would scared to take you in my arms, that feeling when I first saw you, when I first hugged you, your first smile, your first loud giggle, your first fall, your first hair cut and many more – I remember each and every moment and will cherish it forever.
You have the confidence I never had at your age, and it surprises me. For you are beautiful – inside and out, you don’t yet see what I see, what the people around you see; you don’t notice how your skin glows with youth and health, how your big brown eyes sparkle with mischief, how you light up a room with your smile and fill the house with your laughter. I get glimpses of the woman you will one day be, and believe me, my child, you are beautiful in every way, and teaching you how to love and accept yourself is one of the most important gifts I can give you. I’ve known you for 12 years, and you’re way more amazing than I could ever have imagined in my wildest dreams. If someone doesn’t understand this, that’s their problem.

You need to understand that there aren’t any guaranteed ways to achieve success or avoid misfortune. You are not in control of this world. You can do everything right and still end up in a crappy situation. You could do everything wrong and end up living the high life. The only thing you need to worry about is being honest. Don’t lie to yourself. Learn to understand yourself. Try to fully grasp your true needs and feelings. And think about what will be best for you.

When you get that job or place at university, someone else loses their chance. You might even take someone’s favourite place at the movie theatre. But don’t worry about it, because what’s bad for you will be good for someone else, and what’s good for you will be bad for someone else. Guess that is nature’s law of balancing :)

The only person who you should believe in 100% is yourself (not even me). Every action has a consequence. The chances are you won’t foresee all of them. But try to at least consider as many as you can. The more potential outcomes of your actions that you can think of, the more rational your behaviour will be.

Enough of lecture for the day now – enjoy your birthday and have loads of fun! And one last thing – don’t limit your challenges, but challenge your limits, you will be surprised to see your potential!

Happy Birthday Siya

- From your Mom who knows nothing :-)

Previous letters:

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2015/04/happy-birthday-siya-10-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2014/04/happy-birthday-siya-9-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2013/04/happy-birthday-siya-8-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2012/04/happy-birthday-siya-7-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2011/04/happy-birthday-siya-6-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2010/04/happy-birthday-siya-5-years.html

Special gift from across the world on your 10th birthday!

Enjoy!

Wishes for Siya from my Kolkatta team!

Happy Birthday Siya - 10 years!

[Photo courtesy - Shalu] 

And the tradition continues my little princess. This is one thing you long for on your every birthday, your birthday letter (ya ya, I know the bollywood character in me ;-) )!

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday Siya - you are no more a single digit age. I mean 10 years, that is what you are now.

3652 days have been blinked away, but it most definitely feels as though they have.  I blinked and you were born.  I blinked and you could walk/skate. I turned around to cook dinner and you were talking. I blink again you were singing and then skating, dancing, cart wheels, soccer, stage shows, competitions, friends, birthday parties and what not. You have grown up too soon and miss all those little tantrums, running behind you to feed you, your innocent talks! I have captured all of these moments with me and very systematically and we like every year will live through it on your birthday :-).

Every time I look at you, I see magic in your eyes. Small eyes, BIG dreams! A wealth of possibilities just bubbling over. You believe and always made us believe that absolutely anything is possible and you can do anything. A go-getter is what you are!

I know sometimes I do get angry on you, I demand a lot of discipline, I also nag you and behave grumpy too, however annoying I am - all I want for you is to live all your dreams. You will soon be a teenager and we will have a great a relationship or may be not, depends on how the next three years turn out be. If you turn out to be headstrong, stubborn and independent like I am, then we may might just land up battling everyday ;-). But I promise to listen to you carefully like the way I do today, even if we do not always agree, please don't stop talking. I will do my very best to listen and to value your words and not to say things like “I told you so” and “if only you had listened” or anything else that sounds condescending or prideful.

With that note, I would like to share few things that my parents and mentors and friends have shared with me.

My dance guru and all his instructors have always said, It doesn’t matter if you can’t dance, Just get up and move. I love that you are fearless in who you are, and I hope that you never lose that. Always remember, enjoying life from the sideline isn’t living.

One evening I was with a very good friend of mine who was all time low. I could feel her pain but I soon realized that she is dependent on others defining her. You choose who you are. Others cannot define that for you, not me or your dad, not your brother or your friends. You are who you decide to be, sometimes it takes time to figure it out and that’s ok. The most important tip I can leave you is that when you are determining who you are be very careful of who is around you and influencing and evaluate if they are helping or tainting who you are. And remember life is too short to feel embarrassed of who you are, learn to laugh at yourself and enjoy the moment you are in.

My corporate life has taught me what I will share with you next and I must admit that I learnt it the hard way. Establish what moral boundaries are important to you and NEVER compromise them for anyone or anything. Not your spouse, not your job or boss, not your friends, not for money, and not for pleasure. You alone determine your self respect and self worth. Others will respect you more if you are true and not fake, don’t change for the situation or surroundings.

It’s ok to have differing opinions from others, including me. So many times I have seen people with differing views make each other the enemy. Sometimes it’s ok if we disagree. It doesn’t mean I respect you or love you any less, it just means I have taught you the value of a differing opinion. Same goes when you disagree with a friend, co-worker, or stranger on the internet; truly listen and consider their point. It may stretch you to think of things from their shoes.

Rather than complain about what you don’t have, learn to be truly and sincerely grateful for what you do have. Let me start by saying, I am still working on this one. Make yourself content though never complacent. (a book taught me this) If you become stale and complacent you will never better yourself. Learning something new isn’t a sign of unintelligence, it’s a sign of growth. Never covet what others have, you will always want more and will fall short in your own mind. Instead set goals and build dreams and work towards those.

Life isn’t always about you. You are not better than anyone, you just strive to be the best you. If someone isn’t in a perfect situation in life, that is not for you to judge, be there for them. If it’s not a place you should be, you have the choice to walk away from any situation. Never forget that there is always a choice.

You are strong, you are beautiful, and you are valuable. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I hope you know that I will be here for you to lean on. No judging, just listening and offering love.

Happy 10th Birthday my princess and as I always say - God has been very kind to me, he gave me a lot more than I deserve - he gave me you!

Previous letters:

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2014/04/happy-birthday-siya-9-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2013/04/happy-birthday-siya-8-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2012/04/happy-birthday-siya-7-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2011/04/happy-birthday-siya-6-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2010/04/happy-birthday-siya-5-years.html