Happy 15th Birthday Siya

Hello Siya,

Like every year, this year too I shall write something for you. Well, I do know that you find them boring today but someday when you are my age and you have kids, you will show them what all nani ma would tell about you :-).

So like every year, even this year your biggest complain is "I don't want to turn 15" basically saying "I don't want to grow up". And I always tell everyone, growing up is absolutely lovely. Yes, of course there are responsibilities, there are challenges but its all worth it. I had written for my cousin sometime back on growing old. I shall dedicate this to you as well today:

Get Old, Get Wise

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
Yes, you definitely get bold,
One stops worrying about what others think,
And you enjoy life more is what I think.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
U are much more warm and aren't cold,
Your experience is what charms others,
And rudeness and curt behaviour is what does not bother.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
Difficult you shall find to get sold.
You learn to transition to a state of being right,
You have learnt enough from your mistakes and hence no oversight.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
So there is more to do for yourself than have other to mould,
Your laugh for yourself and dance for yourself,
And start realizing that ranks, marks and appraisals are not worth for defining ourself.

It's ought to be lovely to get old,
Be fearless and grateful, and smile on untold,
Take a leap one last time at whatever you feel correctly told,
There is a reason why it is said old is gold.

During these COVID times, I know you are getting terribly bored especially when you have been planning this birthday for a year. Stay assured, this too will get over and we will SHINE! Then we can party and celebrate together.

Happy birthday my love and mom dad just love you!

My body, my rules

There is a reason why all best moments of life are celebrated with dancing. Think about it, all marriages, exam results, anniversaries, etc. do have some form of celebration which includes dance. But for me, I don’t think of dancing like most of you would. It’s exaggerated but its true – dance is life for me. As Martha Graham would say “Dance is hidden language of the soul of the body”. And in-spite of that, I quit dancing a few years back. Being a mom at 25 of course puts loads of stress on you both physically and mentally. And I too had moved from “S” size to “L” size. When my daughter was 4, I decided to get back to dancing. With lots of guts, I enrolled myself for the same dance school as my daughter and knowing the fact that I might be the oldest in the lot. I still remember my first lesson, we were told to perform extempore on any song that the instructor would play. This was for auditions for a stage performance and was meant to be a solo performance. I was nervous but un-intimidated. I knew how to do this. I was in my element. The class went really well, really well. I did all of the combinations, remembered to smile. I was energetic and quick on my feet. Most importantly, I was able to keep up with the other students. I was like this teenager just enjoying her music to the fullest and dancing her heart out (well I was dancing after 7 long years). I couldn’t see anything in the classroom, there was just music and me. In that moment of euphoria, I think I gave the best performance ever. After class, I excitedly head out, surprised by how well I did and hopeful of my chances at being accepted for the stage performance. And then I hear my instructor talking to few others, “she is good, but she is big”. I stopped, trying to process this comment without crying or letting him know that I heard his comment. But in that moment, my spirit was crushed. So many thoughts swirled through my head on my way home. I couldn’t believe that the wrongness of my body’s shape carries more weight than my ability to move precisely and artfully through space. I couldn’t believe that a skinnier, potentially less-talented dancer would get “my” spot for the stage performance. But most of all, I couldn’t believe how embarrassing and utterly humiliating it feels to be turned down not because I was not good enough, but because I was not skinny enough. These thoughts eventually crystallize into confusion, questions. Why had I been blessed with these talents in this body? And just because I felt so humiliated, I never went back to that dance school. Time passed as years passed. I did many things to reduce weight with the hope that I would get back to shape and back to my stage where I would perform someday. But all in vain! I never managed to really loose back all the fat I had gained. To people, I was like this ideal women who all would aspire to be – great career, loving husband and a beautiful talented daughter. But I knew somewhere I was not fine! I was missing dancing. I wasn’t happy and I was shamed enough to not start dancing again. One day, my daughter (who is an artist) was busy putting together an artwork for her upcoming exhibition. She was sitting with her big canvas and some twenty brushes of different sizes. She called me to her room and said “thicker brushes can create as beautiful strokes as thinner ones, in fact thicker brush strokes can ONLY stand out on this BIG canvas”. And yes, I did cry that day. She said nothing and yet everything. I realized that dance is just not dancing with your body but it is dancing with your heart, mind and soul. Dancers really have to struggle at physical, emotional and mental level to realize their dreams. They have to keep perfecting their technique and go beyond their body limitations which require extreme mental strength. The following weekend, my daughter and me go together and enroll for dance lessons and this time in same class! And with the same body weight, I participated for Color’s Talent Show Singapore in 2017. I didn’t win it but I boldly and proudly held my own virtual trophy that I gave myself. And when it got telecasted on Colors channel, everyone applauded! All I told myself that day – my confidence is being comfortable with myself with my flaws and my strengths and not giving a damn about what anyone says. Being sexy is all about attitude, not body type. It’s a state of mind. All it needs is to love yourself.

Happy 14th Birthday babes - I mean Siya!

14 years ago, at this time I was in the hospital on the bed screaming in pain. Yes, I was in labor with you in my tummy all excited to get out. And today, you don't even fit in my lap! This journey from "Mom, I only get sleep when you cuddle me" to "Mom, you are so touchy", this journey from "Oh my baby" to "hi babes" has been the fastest 14 years ever of my life. Even we have grown as parents and cherish every moment spent with you. And like every year, let me get back the mom in me and advice you on few things but today I shall try the poetic way:


Hold fast to your dreams,
Never loose the drive to make a effort,
Never loose the drive to make a progress forward,
Never loose the drive to work hard,
Never loose the drive to be a team player,
Never loose the drive to learn from loosing,
Never loose the drive to celebrate your wins,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dreams.

Hold fast to your dream,
Let your dreams just not remain dreams,
Let your dreams have wings to fly high,
Let your dreams reflect your aspirations,
Let your dreams make your more responsible,
Let your dreams not stress you out,
Let your dreams have broader impact on mankind,
Let your dreams make you dream more,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Hold fast to your dream,
Be aimed and focus to achieve them,
Yet not compromising on ethical boundaries,
Be vigilant enough of people not aligned,
Yet respecting them for their view points,
Be passionate to get closer to the goal,
Yet accept that you tried your best to accomplish,
Be patient enough to see the result,
Yet agile enough to change the course,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Hold fast to your dream,
Some are big, some are small,
Some are tiring, you cant have them all,
Some come true, some will make you fall,
Some are possible, definitely not all,
Some will shatter you, some shall be a call,
Still you continue to dream, knowing you shall not have them all,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Hold fast to your dream,
Hit, run, loose, hustle,
Act, accept, admit, amuse,
Balance, attract, applaud, announce,
Challenge, dance, dive, celebrate,
Develop, earn, encourage, extend,
Inspect, improve, influence, impress,
Operate, learn, operate, juggle,
Cause you shall hold fast to your dream.

Happy Birthday Siya and have loads and loads of fun!

Happy 13th Birthday Siya!

From Tweens to Teens, Siya is now 13! Today is your 13th birthday and you will officially say good bye to your childhood and be considered as a teenager. This has been the fastest 13 years of my life - I still remember holding you for the first time and crying, I have no idea why. And even today, when I see you painting and skating and dancing and playing drums and gymnastics and table tennis - there is a tear that still just rolls over. Can't help as I am so proud of you and what you have achieved. In the world of social media and whatsapp today, being 13 can be hard. It feels as though what you look like, what you own and how many followers you have will define you. All of these are temporary happiness, its like this flash lightning that you would see on a rainy day. Only conversations and books will have the ability to shape you and your thoughts. In the end, it is not about what brand you wear but what you say, how you act and most importantly how you make others feel about you. Try your best to be authentic, know what you believe in, how you feel and what you stand for. The world is getting a difficult place to live, contribute to this planet with your kindness and compassion and help reducing sorrow. This takes practice and not easy - but stay committed to get it.

As you continue to grow up, my love grows with you, always readjusting :-). It's not really a easy thing, standing by while you untangle yourself from me. There will be days when it will mean defiance and frustration but there will be other days where you will take initiatives, solve a problem and make a decision all on your own. My mom always told me four things to keep in mind as I grew up and I would like to pass this on to you.

Always, always and always keep faith in the All Mighty. There will be days where you doubt His plans or give up on Him. Just remember, no matter where you go and what turns you take in your life, He will be always there for you.

Second is Wisdom. You are incredibly thoughtful in how you can understand the complexities of the problems and the depth of underlying conflicts within difficult situations and circumstances people face. You are incredibly thoughtful and make sure you continue to nurture this.

Third is Compassion. I am always inspired by your gestures of support and acceptance of others, and I am so often blessed by your generosity in offering encouragement to me. Stay put here, you will help mankind.

Fourth is Joy. Every single day you wake up from your deep sleep, you open your eyes and you smile. You have this innate gift which is like this organic energy that is contagious. Just make sure no pressure should take this away from you. We read "The secret" together and I am aware you so believe in power of the universe - keep that shinning bright.

Your nani will be definitely proud today that your mom remembers all of this :-)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SWEETEST, STRONGEST, PRETTIEST, FRIENDLIEST, COOLEST, CUTEST, FUNKIEST, BRIGHTEST AND THE NEWEST BORN TEENAGER IN TOWN!

Happy Birthday Siya, I love you truly, madly and deeply ... muah....

Happy 12th birthday Siya

Hi my gorgeous girl!

Wishing you a very very happy 12th birthday sweetheart! In less than a year now, you will be 13, that magical, mythical age where mother know nothing and you’ll think you know everything. While you are still young enough to listen to me now and again, and before everything I say is treated with folded arms, eyes rolled up to the heavens and loud, long suffering sighs, I wanted to write you this letter…

You’ve have grown up too fast and too soon; my earliest memory of you is this small tiny little girl so fragile that I would scared to take you in my arms, that feeling when I first saw you, when I first hugged you, your first smile, your first loud giggle, your first fall, your first hair cut and many more – I remember each and every moment and will cherish it forever.
You have the confidence I never had at your age, and it surprises me. For you are beautiful – inside and out, you don’t yet see what I see, what the people around you see; you don’t notice how your skin glows with youth and health, how your big brown eyes sparkle with mischief, how you light up a room with your smile and fill the house with your laughter. I get glimpses of the woman you will one day be, and believe me, my child, you are beautiful in every way, and teaching you how to love and accept yourself is one of the most important gifts I can give you. I’ve known you for 12 years, and you’re way more amazing than I could ever have imagined in my wildest dreams. If someone doesn’t understand this, that’s their problem.

You need to understand that there aren’t any guaranteed ways to achieve success or avoid misfortune. You are not in control of this world. You can do everything right and still end up in a crappy situation. You could do everything wrong and end up living the high life. The only thing you need to worry about is being honest. Don’t lie to yourself. Learn to understand yourself. Try to fully grasp your true needs and feelings. And think about what will be best for you.

When you get that job or place at university, someone else loses their chance. You might even take someone’s favourite place at the movie theatre. But don’t worry about it, because what’s bad for you will be good for someone else, and what’s good for you will be bad for someone else. Guess that is nature’s law of balancing :)

The only person who you should believe in 100% is yourself (not even me). Every action has a consequence. The chances are you won’t foresee all of them. But try to at least consider as many as you can. The more potential outcomes of your actions that you can think of, the more rational your behaviour will be.

Enough of lecture for the day now – enjoy your birthday and have loads of fun! And one last thing – don’t limit your challenges, but challenge your limits, you will be surprised to see your potential!

Happy Birthday Siya

- From your Mom who knows nothing :-)

Previous letters:

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2015/04/happy-birthday-siya-10-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2014/04/happy-birthday-siya-9-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2013/04/happy-birthday-siya-8-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2012/04/happy-birthday-siya-7-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2011/04/happy-birthday-siya-6-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2010/04/happy-birthday-siya-5-years.html

Special gift from across the world on your 10th birthday!

Enjoy!

Wishes for Siya from my Kolkatta team!

Happy Birthday Siya - 10 years!

[Photo courtesy - Shalu] 

And the tradition continues my little princess. This is one thing you long for on your every birthday, your birthday letter (ya ya, I know the bollywood character in me ;-) )!

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday Siya - you are no more a single digit age. I mean 10 years, that is what you are now.

3652 days have been blinked away, but it most definitely feels as though they have.  I blinked and you were born.  I blinked and you could walk/skate. I turned around to cook dinner and you were talking. I blink again you were singing and then skating, dancing, cart wheels, soccer, stage shows, competitions, friends, birthday parties and what not. You have grown up too soon and miss all those little tantrums, running behind you to feed you, your innocent talks! I have captured all of these moments with me and very systematically and we like every year will live through it on your birthday :-).

Every time I look at you, I see magic in your eyes. Small eyes, BIG dreams! A wealth of possibilities just bubbling over. You believe and always made us believe that absolutely anything is possible and you can do anything. A go-getter is what you are!

I know sometimes I do get angry on you, I demand a lot of discipline, I also nag you and behave grumpy too, however annoying I am - all I want for you is to live all your dreams. You will soon be a teenager and we will have a great a relationship or may be not, depends on how the next three years turn out be. If you turn out to be headstrong, stubborn and independent like I am, then we may might just land up battling everyday ;-). But I promise to listen to you carefully like the way I do today, even if we do not always agree, please don't stop talking. I will do my very best to listen and to value your words and not to say things like “I told you so” and “if only you had listened” or anything else that sounds condescending or prideful.

With that note, I would like to share few things that my parents and mentors and friends have shared with me.

My dance guru and all his instructors have always said, It doesn’t matter if you can’t dance, Just get up and move. I love that you are fearless in who you are, and I hope that you never lose that. Always remember, enjoying life from the sideline isn’t living.

One evening I was with a very good friend of mine who was all time low. I could feel her pain but I soon realized that she is dependent on others defining her. You choose who you are. Others cannot define that for you, not me or your dad, not your brother or your friends. You are who you decide to be, sometimes it takes time to figure it out and that’s ok. The most important tip I can leave you is that when you are determining who you are be very careful of who is around you and influencing and evaluate if they are helping or tainting who you are. And remember life is too short to feel embarrassed of who you are, learn to laugh at yourself and enjoy the moment you are in.

My corporate life has taught me what I will share with you next and I must admit that I learnt it the hard way. Establish what moral boundaries are important to you and NEVER compromise them for anyone or anything. Not your spouse, not your job or boss, not your friends, not for money, and not for pleasure. You alone determine your self respect and self worth. Others will respect you more if you are true and not fake, don’t change for the situation or surroundings.

It’s ok to have differing opinions from others, including me. So many times I have seen people with differing views make each other the enemy. Sometimes it’s ok if we disagree. It doesn’t mean I respect you or love you any less, it just means I have taught you the value of a differing opinion. Same goes when you disagree with a friend, co-worker, or stranger on the internet; truly listen and consider their point. It may stretch you to think of things from their shoes.

Rather than complain about what you don’t have, learn to be truly and sincerely grateful for what you do have. Let me start by saying, I am still working on this one. Make yourself content though never complacent. (a book taught me this) If you become stale and complacent you will never better yourself. Learning something new isn’t a sign of unintelligence, it’s a sign of growth. Never covet what others have, you will always want more and will fall short in your own mind. Instead set goals and build dreams and work towards those.

Life isn’t always about you. You are not better than anyone, you just strive to be the best you. If someone isn’t in a perfect situation in life, that is not for you to judge, be there for them. If it’s not a place you should be, you have the choice to walk away from any situation. Never forget that there is always a choice.

You are strong, you are beautiful, and you are valuable. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I hope you know that I will be here for you to lean on. No judging, just listening and offering love.

Happy 10th Birthday my princess and as I always say - God has been very kind to me, he gave me a lot more than I deserve - he gave me you!

Previous letters:

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2014/04/happy-birthday-siya-9-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2013/04/happy-birthday-siya-8-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2012/04/happy-birthday-siya-7-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2011/04/happy-birthday-siya-6-years.html

http://purwajain.blogspot.sg/2010/04/happy-birthday-siya-5-years.html

Happy Birthday Siya - 9 years!

Siya love - today you are 9! 

Everyone told me that it would go by quickly. They were so right. As I look upon you on this day, I am filled with awe. And while it may be right, it REALLY is true, my love for you grows stronger each passing day, you always find way to leave me awe struck. I am prouder than words can possibly express to call myself your mom. You are amazing and I want to take this opportunity to tell you and the world, why?

If "strong" was a human, her name would have been Siya

This year has not been a easy year for us. Mom dad went through a pretty rough phase (possibly the worst) this year, but you handled it all with such a fortitude and grace that it absolutely blow-ed me away. You refuse to allow limitations to stop you. Through it all you keep positive, can-do attitude. When we would flutter, you would calm us down and show us things from different perspective. You take those difficulties, internalize their lessons and continue on a stronger, better person.

With strength, you are really smart

And here, I don't mean you know things, I am sure there are many people who know things better than you but you exhibit wisdom and sense of responsibility far beyond your years. Its amazing to see you having a great understanding of the situations and people's action which is so uncommon from one so young. I have always been saying this but I will repeat again - you always teach me things and help others see the world from a much needed perspective.

Beauty is as beauty does

You are so beautiful my child, really gorgeous! Kind and thoughtful. Compassionate. You display deep empathy for people and surprisingly animals too. I mean for me you are like this "Hug Monkey", always loving to give hugs and do so freely(Jadu ki jhapi as Sanju baba would call it). You make friends (may be few of them) where ever you go. Your compassion and empathy drives you to share love with those who need it most. I really don't think you realize, but you show others what a difference an unconditional love can make.

You are really funny

You have these funny, weird, witty, jokes that you keep on cracking which makes you silly actually :-). Many a times, they don't make sense, but they cause you to get into greats fits of laughter. When that happens, that is THE single greatest sound that i hear on this earth. You also remind us of the importance of laughter. And how being silly can make the difficult stuff easier.

You are pretty intense

You have always been passionate, and shown intense interests. Hang in there girl, this will take you a long way. There have been times that you have also displayed strong emotions but we learn to balance your passionate side with your softer one and focus on your intensity to make a positive difference. These years you have been bombarded with walls, boundaries, stereotypes. All will try to change, shape you into what it thinks you should be, mold you to be "more like". Stay true to who you are. Hold onto it, trust in it and YOURSELF and don't let it crumble. Spread your wings and fly and you will graciously reach your dream some day. I love to watch you soar! Be you my sweet girl, Always. Just keep on being you! And if no one, there is surely going to be two people standing by you ALWAYS!

Happy Birthday my princesses and I look forward to all the adventures in the coming year!

Siya and her stories...

Was telling Siya Sachin's story today and told her that he started his career at the age of 11. Siya's immediate reply "Mom, I started learning at age of 4, will the country be proud of me also"

Small Eyes, Big Dreams!

Socially uncomfortable only because you different ?

It is not easy to be different from your social group and still continue to be a part of it, am I saying it well here? I am sure each one of us do experience this in more than one ways. I have dealt with people avoiding my company because of my differentness. And inspite of hassles that I would face, I would just choose to be the way I am because being some else would just not make me authentic. I am different in more ways than my social circle.

I am not really proud of any of these because I am pretty sure I am not the first one in any of them. In fact, I am more similar to people than being different. I get hurt, I fail, I get lost, I cry, I curse, I get angry, I can be bad - basically I am as imperfect as any human on this earth.

In any wedding I would attend, I feel really bored because I just have nothing to talk about. In fact I become like the participant in KBC where people are throwing questions and I need to answer them. And they could be questions like - what time do you come home, who takes care of Siya when you away, what does my mom feed her, etc etc. And to a great extent it is even my fault because I too have absolutely nothing to talk to them not only because I am aware that they cannot relate. I get teased, people judge me, people don't visit me and I generally turn out to be a point of gossip. That is just a start of it, but I am sure you getting the idea. So, I do feel isolated and lonely as well and will not deny from saying that.

When I was getting trained by Shaimak - I was in a batch of students who were half my age, all were either hot girls or handsome hunks :-). That time my instructor (Anupam) told me something - dancing rooms have mirrors not only because you can note your mistakes but also because you can look at yourself and EMBRACE YOURSELF.

I also saw this movie called "Guru" where there was this dialogue that he says "If people are talking about you, it means you are progressing." One should worry when you are not talked about ;-). Apart from that, I also see this as a perfect teaching opportunity for my sisters, Siya and others. I have a chance to set myself as an example only because I am different - isn't it?

Being different is who I am. I would like myself as well my daughter to live her life on her own terms, on her own values. That also mean that one has the courage to stand out among others. Doesn't that make you interesting as a personality. So, lets be proud of us. It was not easy for me but that is the only way I choose to live and not pretend. You can take your pick!

A interesting period of my life that I would like to share...

I always had this fear of being alone and trust me - I am not the only one. Most of us do feel the same. My support system has always been with me throughout by life thus far – family, partner, friends and specially the dance I like (I still so wish that Shaimak’s start in Singapore). I was so worried to take up my life without any help, or may be life without help for the fear of failure. There was this duration where I was absolutely alone and took me a good amount of time to be happy with myself. Just to avoid the feeling of being lonely, I would end up socializing endlessly (facebook and linkedin and emails have become my dashboard), eat so much that I have put on weight, roam about the malls, strive for company of office people (forgetting that they have a life of their own) because I felt these things are replacement for love and security. It took me a good bit of time to just see the positive side of being alone.

I painted a picture of bird flying in the sky gliding upwards. Yes, I visualized it as freeing myself (not that I was in a jail) but as an opportunity to grow, to get to know myself, to answer questions that I never had the time for, to introspect, to know what I am really capable of, to know what I think about myself.

I was travelling alone the FIRST time in my life to a new country – didn’t know what next was coming and would always think “I am so unprepared compared to the world”. I am very very bad in road directions – and here I was alone in new country not even knowing if my next step is the correct direction or not. Soon realized that there is fun in loosing way and finding one myself. Almost felt like a “winner” and the world was applauding for me. And soon I was OK to get LOST.

How would I manage all household chores – cooking, ironing, laundry, managing bills, etc etc. There was so much to remember all of a sudden. In the past I always had my partner or my dad doing it for me. Soon I became self-sufficient. When I went back to my home after this period, I realized that if I can be self-sufficient, then relying on someone else is an act of strength, not of weakness.

There are so many other things – feeling comfortable with strangers, how to protect myself, how to be just aware of my surroundings, be sensitive to others POV and so many more things. It was a learning process, but I did become stronger. Was almost like experiencing how Siya would have felt when she was learning to walk!

I suddenly found time for everything that I have been not doing for years – dancing, reading, badminton, biking, etc etc. I had time to feel the air, to see myself in the mirror and actually knowing myself better! 

Just Imagine...

I cannot thank Siya enough for just being my inspiration. Every child has so much to learn from and this is what I have lately learnt from her. 

Imagine a life where all your time is spent on the things you want to do. Siya does not get fluttered by average marks, not winning, analyzing why she lost, nothing negative. She does what she wants to do at that moment. However, I do yell at her a couple of time but thinking back why, I realize because I would want her to spend time on things I like. I long for a life like hers where I simply do things that I want to do. Imagine if I could write a letter to my boss which reads "Dear boss, I would not need your service any longer as I have decided to do things my own way. Thanks for everything". 

Imagine that today is your final day of working for anyone other than yourself. What if—very soon, not in some distant, undefined future—you prepare for work by firing up a laptop in your home office, walking into a storefront you’ve opened, phoning a client who trusts you for helpful advice, or otherwise doing what you want instead of what someone tells you to do?

What I have noticed outside India more and in many different ways, thousands of people are doing exactly that. They are rewriting the rules of work, becoming their own bosses, and creating a new future. All you need is two things - freedom and value. Freedom is what we’re all looking for, and value is the way to achieve it. When you value freedom above other things, you’ll make different choices. Your priorities will shift. You’ll have more time for your family and more time for the hobbies you enjoy. When you focus on helping others, connecting your work to their needs, that’s when value is created. This is what it came down to for all of these people, and that’s how it can work for you too. No special skills, not a lot of money, but the willingness to imagine.

Happy Birthday Siya - 8 Years!

Time flies! Seems like just yesterday when you were born and before even I could realize you are 8! All I can say is that I am just so proud to be your mom. You have filled my heart with more joy than I thought was even possible. There is something that I very strongly believe in, everything happens for a reason. Me and your dad met, fell in love, got married and I always knew that we have met for something great, I just didn't know what it would be, and certainly didn't know that it would be so soon in our time together.  Our marriage has been unknowingly shaped for your arrival and how to carry each other in our weakest moments. 

Some years ago, I still remember, as I reclined comfortably on an examination room bed for a check up in a clinic in Pune, within a few seconds, I heard a sound I would never forget for the rest of my life – your rapid, tiny heartbeat. Your heart was beating so fast when I knew that you were almost a size or may be smaller than a humming bird. I couldn’t believe my ears, I heard life –precious and vital life. There was life inside me, a heart beating inside my womb! Accepting this grand responsibility came as natural to me as breathing, and, before you were even born, I had already fallen deeply, unshakably in love with you. Months later, as I screamed and screeched you into this world, all the blinding pain that accompanied your birth was silenced the moment I saw your face. Oh God, there was so much of drama going on in the operation theatre. Guess some army of doctors, heart monitors, pulse monitors, forceps, all looked like monsters to me with their faces covered in blue masses. But you and I were already in our own little world. Nobody could touch us, nobody could enter.

As I watched you grow, my heart expanded with each new step you took. And every time you fell, I felt the pain in ways only a mother can understand. There have been times I was so nervous, your first injection, your first fall from the beam, your big cuts in legs but you were so strong. When we brought you a selection of toys to keep you occupied, you smiled at me and said, "Wow, Mommy. I thought this was the worst day of my life, but now I know it's the best day ever." One silly little toy was all it took to change your outlook. I almost crumbled in the face of your courage. You move on, like the radiant pulse of energy and love that you've always been. You learned to read, write, swim, skate, act, dance, gymnastics and God knows what all. You think deep thoughts, groove on music, challenge me daily and surprise me constantly. You are unbelievable, you are my angle. From my childhood, I have been in hunt of fairies and never knew that my childhood question would be replied only on 6^th April, 2005. I miss you when I go to office or you are at school, yet I delight in your independence. To this very day, when you walk into the room, my heart beats for you.

My only child, you're just a few year away from being a teenager, but, still, I never pass up an opportunity to check in on you as you sleep. Your face – purity, your breath is all the peace I will ever need in this world. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Your life has given me something I will never, ever lose.











LOVE YOU SIYA !

Happy Birthday Siya - 5 Years!
Happy Birthday Siya - 6 Years!
Happy Birthday Siya - 7 Years!

Think Different

While success is a relative term, I surely do believe that all the people who have been successful in their own way had the ability to think differently and challenge mainstream ideas. This has actually been the key to everything good in my life too. This isn’t a post to brag about all of that — it’s to share what I believe is a real key to life: the willingness to think differently than most people. It means you have to be willing to question what most people do and tell you. It means you have to have the courage to try something different. It means you have to be brave enough to stand out from the crowd and not take the safe route. Most people take the safe route, because they’re afraid of being different and failing. If you do nothing amazing but you go with the crowd, then you don’t look stupid. But then you miss out on the amazing. If you never stand out from the crowd, you will always be average. And that’s fine, but the people who stand out are the ones who make a mark, who innovate and discover, who learn the freedom of exploration and invention. If you stand out when you apply for a job, you’ll be more likely to be noticed. If you don’t, and you play it safe, then they’ll likely ignore you. If you stand out when you start a business, people will be curious and check you out. If you’re just one of many businesses doing the same thing, why should others care about you? Why should they choose you?


Learning to Think Differently

When you hear an idea that’s different than what you’re used to, pause. Instead of rejecting it outright, consider it — is there some merit? What are the arguments, the evidence? Let go of the emotions that come up, the defensiveness. When you are told that this is the way to do things, take a second look. Is this really the best way? Are there other possibilities? If no one has thought of them, can you?
Just because an idea is different, don’t just accept it. Look at the bulk of the evidence, and learn to spot flaws in reasoning.
Test out different ideas. Just because most people don’t do it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. They might all be wrong, and this might be better. No better way to find out than to test it. If it’s not a good idea, drop it and move on.
Learn to be proud of your ability to test things that people traditionally believe in, and not to worry so much if you stand out. In fact, learn to see standing out as good — not just to stand out, but to forge new ground, to challenge ideas, to express your individual voice rather than blending in.

Siya and her stories...

Siya and her stories ...
Siya - Mom, now I am 7.5 years, grown up, now atleast stop writing my stories on facebook.
Purwa - I will do this till you have your facebook page and put up your own posts.
Siya - I will put up my posts not on facebook, I will put up my posts on some application that you will build it only for me... may be that is what you should do now and not post my stories. 

My kid HAS GROWN UP!

Siya and her stories...

Siya and her stories...
Siya - What do you keep on writing in this book?
Purwa - They are a collection of your stories from 2 years till now.
Siya - Why do you write and what will do with this?
Purwa - I love reading the way you have grown up and cherish those memories.
Siya - Engg/MBA se achcha aap photography kar lete toh itna likhna toh nahi padta !

Kids even get to decide their mom's careers!

What was my last week's biggest waste of time?

Unfortunately, it simply boils down to a decision of “Yes” or “No”. I lost my productivity and efficiency and ultimately happiness because of just these two words “Yes” or “No”. And actually, come to think of it, its not only me but all of us – for that matter even my daughter Siya now. Often people say “Yes” when they mean “No” or “No” when they should say “Yes”. “Yes” and “No” are a negotiation of another person’s request. Each word has to be used wisely, judiciously, and with grace, with your inner-harmony in mind as it has a direct impact on your well-being. I really don’t remember the book I read but it was about a two-headed animal with a single body. Most of us can often visualize ourselves this way where we are heading towards opposite direction at the same time. It is important to avoid such a situation because this state of unnecessary indecision lowers your energy rate and it drains away your personal power rather than strengthening it. To make a decision quickly and not vacillate or second guess oneself is a critical life-skill. It is especially important with the acceleration of the world around us today, fast decisions are asked of us minute-by-minute. People who can make decision faster without vacillating don’t hide from life but live their life.

The power behind “Yes” and “No” is when you state them truthfully. When that is the case, you tend to strengthen the relationship with yourself and moreover with others too. When me and Siya talk, I many a time tend to give Siya an illusion of a “Complicated Life” that I lead. To which she simply asks me – tell me the truth, what will make you happy. And this question completely clears the clutter for me. Being truthful to yourself and to others is actually an art of simplification which makes you more pure, more real and always approachable and lovable. Then what makes me think so much! If I say “No” people will get mad at me, if I say “Yes”, what will he think about me and so on and on. Soon I realized - When you take care of yourself, your relationships work. What I mean by this, is that if you don’t honour what is in your well-being, and come from a place of trying to please people or to try to make them like or love you more, by giving them what they want, it always backfires. Take up any incidence of your life where you followed the “please people” way and not “please me” way. I am sure you would have realized that you suffered, your relationship suffered and ultimately the other person too. Only because your heart closes the energetic reach to the person. You can always say “No” with grace because when you do that, you gain respect and you are still viewed as generous and kind.

So use your power of choice to say “Yes” or “No” when you mean it.

You will get to your BIG THING, your most important thing, but later !

It’s amazing how many people I talk to who tell me they want to create a new blog, write a book, start a new business, change careers, make something new. But simply keep putting it off. Does it sound like your story? You want to do something different but you don't have the time (or energy) to do one right now? "My sweetheart, I love you, I miss you but I just don't have the time to meet you. A million of things in your to-do list, your schedule fully packed, meetings coming". You will get to your BIG THING, your most important thing, but later. In fact it is even my story till I learnt the art of creating time. 

I realized that I will never get to that time I want to do my BIG THING, till I learn to create one. Seize the bull by the horns, grasp it tenaciously, never let it go. Time has a habit of trampling over us, so softly we don’t even notice but so powerfully we become crushed over the course of weeks and years. And someone who have learnt to master this  art is all working women. It is beautiful to see how they manage home, office, kids, in-laws and still manage to create time for what they like (walk, dance, spa-sessions, gyms, whatever). They generally have no time to do it and yet the create one. I had no time, so I created it. Time is often said to be our most limited resource, but it’s not true. We can create time. It takes the sheer force of will to do it, but it can be created. Time doesn’t fall into your lap. It isn’t handed to you by a kindly old gentleman. You must create it, taking from the world the raw materials you need and shaping it with your bare dirty blistered hands, pushing the clay into form from its shapeless muddy glob. I created the time, taking some from television watching, some from meetings, some from saying no to the endless requests on my time by co-workers and well meaning friends, some from other important projects that I put off. I put off important things to create time for The Most Important Thing. Say no to everything else. Put off what can be held at bay for the time being. And create time for what is necessary. Make something. Bring new creative life into the world, change the lives of others, and in doing so, change yours.

Let's attempt it - its not so difficult. And as someone rightly said, if you conquer your will power, even Mount Everest will seem like a rock!

Cheers!

Siya and her Virus!

A very interesting conversation with Siya last night - she was typing a letter for me on my laptop when she saw a pop-up on some virus protection software installed on my laptop. Her inquisitive mind as usual could not resist asking me what it is. So I explained her what are viruses on the computer and how important it is to install a virus protection on it. She went to sleep after that and a thought came to my mind. We all take care of destructive viruses on the laptop but we really don't bother with destructive viruses acting on our mind. The more serious of these thoughts may lead to mental health problems such as loss in confidence, mild depression, self esteem issues and a distorted perception of ourselves (been there myself ;-) ). I think the book was "The Secret" where I read that science has proved there is a link between physical and mental well being and positive attitude in life. When you are happy and content with life and your thought processes are working correctly your brain releases endorphins which is your brains way of dealing with pain and making your feel happier. Your brain also releases something called Gamma Globulin to strengthen your immune system and another chemical called Interferon which combats viruses, infections and even cancer. But question is how? And may be the answer to that is not so simple but what has helped me is "thought awareness" that is when you recognize that the thoughts coming to your mind can lead to a downward spiral of negative emotions resulting in  physical and mental problems. 

So when I started my own business, at first I was (and still I am) really excited about the entire thought but then I soon realized my mind telling me "it is hard, it is difficult, it is not easy" so on. I recognized that I was talking to myself in a negative way. When you recognize this, it is very important to recognize for what it is. Your mind has tried to protect you from being hurt emotionally so starts talking to you in a negative way in order to protect your feelings. As soon as you recognize these thoughts are creeping in, its time to kill them and carry on with your plan. Everything you don’t know yet is difficult simply because you don’t know it, but when you take steps towards knowing, it becomes less difficult and therefore easier. When you recognize and stop the negative self talk your thoughts will then start naturally flowing to a positive mind state. Kind of like Siya where she believes she could do anything. We tend to dwell on negative events from our past in an effort to understand why they happened. This can often occur with traumatic events from our past. Just move on, what is occurred is unavoidable for us to change, spending hours on analyzing why it happened is wasting your TODAY. Use affirmations to train your mind. They could be any of the short phrases or sentences you repeat to yourself mentally in order to induce a certain state of mind. Like for me it is "Everyday in every way, I am getting better and better and better". I have been chanting this (almost like a prayer) for years and years now. I make it a point to tell myself this before a sales call, before a client meet, before handling a Siya tantrum. By stating affirmations to yourself in a mantra like way and repeatedly over weeks, months and years your mind becomes trained to think in a different way. If you don’t think this works think about your fears for a second or two. people who are afraid of going into elevators have literally used affirmations and visualization to train their mind to produce a state of panic whenever they have to enter an elevator. So it is true in reverse. People who are confident have affirmed, at every opportunity, to tell their mind they are confident in every situation and confident enough to try new situations. We all use affirmations in our lives without ever knowing that we do so why not put affirmations to good use and consciously train your brain to a better way of thinking. And I have just opened up myself to new experiences without caring for results. The very thrill of breaking the comfort zone everyday excites me. Again read this somewhere - Apathy is found within the comfort zone, greatness lives outside of it. 

I know it is not possible to control our thoughts, Alok Kejriwal had once mentioned as his status message "if spiders could see the cobwebs in peoples minds, they would step back and marvel at them...". Our aim is not to control our thoughts but to steer them in right direction!

My experience with JoyFear

I had heard this term JoyFear somewhere! I realized that the path of success is littered with doubt, fear, uncertainty and still lots of persistence, calculated risk and repeated actions. I personally think the difference between someone who fails and someone who succeeds is the courage to act repeatedly. There was a stage where I lived in a constant state of exhaustion. I lost weight, I had dark circles and the thought that always came to my mind was "I am not capable". And this feeling of "not being capable" is something that can drive one crying. And then I learned from Siya while she was growing. When she walking, she would simply focus on the step at a time. She would make sure she gets that step perfectly right, make sure she could balance it well and then only move on to the next step. If she would fall down, she would again stand up, try the same step till she got it. That is exactly what I decided to do. I will wake up in the morning, put one foot ahead of other, I am going to do it one step at a time. And that step is a forward step. Keep walking and you will reach someday to your goal. I am strong and determined and made sure I only focus on step ahead of me and I would not fail at that. And this every step is a mixture of two powerful emotions - joy and fear. Every single defining moment in my life has been filled with JoyFear, mixture of intense joy and intense fear into one ball of powerful emotions that both lift me up and make me see things clearly when I hadn’t before. What made sure that I would always propel forward?

• I would tell myself "I have to succeed and there is no two ways about it. When I started Jute, I had left a job that was paying me well, a job that was satisfying too, and still decided to plunge into Jute. All I said is "I HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK". Once you decide on success you rarely allow doubt to enter your mind. Your persistence, dedication, and resilience are strengthened. And then in my low days, I simply ping my well wishers and a meeting with them makes sure I am on track!
• I decided to take a risk. I decided to chase my fear. I decided to do what will scare me. When I would experience rejections, I would simply ask someone else. Be bold and brave and defy the odds.
• Be prepared - Unemployment is the world's fastest rising worry. Anticipate your needs but don't live in fear, create solutions in advance. In Ajit's language - What is your plan B?
• Focus on benefits of your success and not failures. That it self is a biggest motivation.
• Be with people who want to see you succeed. 
• Always see yourself as "you are enough". Accept who you are and where you are today. When you compare yourself to others, you create your own suffering. My friends were busy making their careers when I was changing diapers. I was too busy to care. What others think of you is none of your business.
• Finally calm your body, do something you like. Find a quite place and bring attention inward.

Unless you can learn how to move through your fear, you’ll continue to hold yourself back. You’ll never learn to risk, to excel, to create, to invent or to experience Joyfear.