My body, my rules

There is a reason why all best moments of life are celebrated with dancing. Think about it, all marriages, exam results, anniversaries, etc. do have some form of celebration which includes dance. But for me, I don’t think of dancing like most of you would. It’s exaggerated but its true – dance is life for me. As Martha Graham would say “Dance is hidden language of the soul of the body”. And in-spite of that, I quit dancing a few years back. Being a mom at 25 of course puts loads of stress on you both physically and mentally. And I too had moved from “S” size to “L” size. When my daughter was 4, I decided to get back to dancing. With lots of guts, I enrolled myself for the same dance school as my daughter and knowing the fact that I might be the oldest in the lot. I still remember my first lesson, we were told to perform extempore on any song that the instructor would play. This was for auditions for a stage performance and was meant to be a solo performance. I was nervous but un-intimidated. I knew how to do this. I was in my element. The class went really well, really well. I did all of the combinations, remembered to smile. I was energetic and quick on my feet. Most importantly, I was able to keep up with the other students. I was like this teenager just enjoying her music to the fullest and dancing her heart out (well I was dancing after 7 long years). I couldn’t see anything in the classroom, there was just music and me. In that moment of euphoria, I think I gave the best performance ever. After class, I excitedly head out, surprised by how well I did and hopeful of my chances at being accepted for the stage performance. And then I hear my instructor talking to few others, “she is good, but she is big”. I stopped, trying to process this comment without crying or letting him know that I heard his comment. But in that moment, my spirit was crushed. So many thoughts swirled through my head on my way home. I couldn’t believe that the wrongness of my body’s shape carries more weight than my ability to move precisely and artfully through space. I couldn’t believe that a skinnier, potentially less-talented dancer would get “my” spot for the stage performance. But most of all, I couldn’t believe how embarrassing and utterly humiliating it feels to be turned down not because I was not good enough, but because I was not skinny enough. These thoughts eventually crystallize into confusion, questions. Why had I been blessed with these talents in this body? And just because I felt so humiliated, I never went back to that dance school. Time passed as years passed. I did many things to reduce weight with the hope that I would get back to shape and back to my stage where I would perform someday. But all in vain! I never managed to really loose back all the fat I had gained. To people, I was like this ideal women who all would aspire to be – great career, loving husband and a beautiful talented daughter. But I knew somewhere I was not fine! I was missing dancing. I wasn’t happy and I was shamed enough to not start dancing again. One day, my daughter (who is an artist) was busy putting together an artwork for her upcoming exhibition. She was sitting with her big canvas and some twenty brushes of different sizes. She called me to her room and said “thicker brushes can create as beautiful strokes as thinner ones, in fact thicker brush strokes can ONLY stand out on this BIG canvas”. And yes, I did cry that day. She said nothing and yet everything. I realized that dance is just not dancing with your body but it is dancing with your heart, mind and soul. Dancers really have to struggle at physical, emotional and mental level to realize their dreams. They have to keep perfecting their technique and go beyond their body limitations which require extreme mental strength. The following weekend, my daughter and me go together and enroll for dance lessons and this time in same class! And with the same body weight, I participated for Color’s Talent Show Singapore in 2017. I didn’t win it but I boldly and proudly held my own virtual trophy that I gave myself. And when it got telecasted on Colors channel, everyone applauded! All I told myself that day – my confidence is being comfortable with myself with my flaws and my strengths and not giving a damn about what anyone says. Being sexy is all about attitude, not body type. It’s a state of mind. All it needs is to love yourself.

Just Imagine...

I cannot thank Siya enough for just being my inspiration. Every child has so much to learn from and this is what I have lately learnt from her. 

Imagine a life where all your time is spent on the things you want to do. Siya does not get fluttered by average marks, not winning, analyzing why she lost, nothing negative. She does what she wants to do at that moment. However, I do yell at her a couple of time but thinking back why, I realize because I would want her to spend time on things I like. I long for a life like hers where I simply do things that I want to do. Imagine if I could write a letter to my boss which reads "Dear boss, I would not need your service any longer as I have decided to do things my own way. Thanks for everything". 

Imagine that today is your final day of working for anyone other than yourself. What if—very soon, not in some distant, undefined future—you prepare for work by firing up a laptop in your home office, walking into a storefront you’ve opened, phoning a client who trusts you for helpful advice, or otherwise doing what you want instead of what someone tells you to do?

What I have noticed outside India more and in many different ways, thousands of people are doing exactly that. They are rewriting the rules of work, becoming their own bosses, and creating a new future. All you need is two things - freedom and value. Freedom is what we’re all looking for, and value is the way to achieve it. When you value freedom above other things, you’ll make different choices. Your priorities will shift. You’ll have more time for your family and more time for the hobbies you enjoy. When you focus on helping others, connecting your work to their needs, that’s when value is created. This is what it came down to for all of these people, and that’s how it can work for you too. No special skills, not a lot of money, but the willingness to imagine.

Think Different

While success is a relative term, I surely do believe that all the people who have been successful in their own way had the ability to think differently and challenge mainstream ideas. This has actually been the key to everything good in my life too. This isn’t a post to brag about all of that — it’s to share what I believe is a real key to life: the willingness to think differently than most people. It means you have to be willing to question what most people do and tell you. It means you have to have the courage to try something different. It means you have to be brave enough to stand out from the crowd and not take the safe route. Most people take the safe route, because they’re afraid of being different and failing. If you do nothing amazing but you go with the crowd, then you don’t look stupid. But then you miss out on the amazing. If you never stand out from the crowd, you will always be average. And that’s fine, but the people who stand out are the ones who make a mark, who innovate and discover, who learn the freedom of exploration and invention. If you stand out when you apply for a job, you’ll be more likely to be noticed. If you don’t, and you play it safe, then they’ll likely ignore you. If you stand out when you start a business, people will be curious and check you out. If you’re just one of many businesses doing the same thing, why should others care about you? Why should they choose you?


Learning to Think Differently

When you hear an idea that’s different than what you’re used to, pause. Instead of rejecting it outright, consider it — is there some merit? What are the arguments, the evidence? Let go of the emotions that come up, the defensiveness. When you are told that this is the way to do things, take a second look. Is this really the best way? Are there other possibilities? If no one has thought of them, can you?
Just because an idea is different, don’t just accept it. Look at the bulk of the evidence, and learn to spot flaws in reasoning.
Test out different ideas. Just because most people don’t do it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. They might all be wrong, and this might be better. No better way to find out than to test it. If it’s not a good idea, drop it and move on.
Learn to be proud of your ability to test things that people traditionally believe in, and not to worry so much if you stand out. In fact, learn to see standing out as good — not just to stand out, but to forge new ground, to challenge ideas, to express your individual voice rather than blending in.

What was my last week's biggest waste of time?

Unfortunately, it simply boils down to a decision of “Yes” or “No”. I lost my productivity and efficiency and ultimately happiness because of just these two words “Yes” or “No”. And actually, come to think of it, its not only me but all of us – for that matter even my daughter Siya now. Often people say “Yes” when they mean “No” or “No” when they should say “Yes”. “Yes” and “No” are a negotiation of another person’s request. Each word has to be used wisely, judiciously, and with grace, with your inner-harmony in mind as it has a direct impact on your well-being. I really don’t remember the book I read but it was about a two-headed animal with a single body. Most of us can often visualize ourselves this way where we are heading towards opposite direction at the same time. It is important to avoid such a situation because this state of unnecessary indecision lowers your energy rate and it drains away your personal power rather than strengthening it. To make a decision quickly and not vacillate or second guess oneself is a critical life-skill. It is especially important with the acceleration of the world around us today, fast decisions are asked of us minute-by-minute. People who can make decision faster without vacillating don’t hide from life but live their life.

The power behind “Yes” and “No” is when you state them truthfully. When that is the case, you tend to strengthen the relationship with yourself and moreover with others too. When me and Siya talk, I many a time tend to give Siya an illusion of a “Complicated Life” that I lead. To which she simply asks me – tell me the truth, what will make you happy. And this question completely clears the clutter for me. Being truthful to yourself and to others is actually an art of simplification which makes you more pure, more real and always approachable and lovable. Then what makes me think so much! If I say “No” people will get mad at me, if I say “Yes”, what will he think about me and so on and on. Soon I realized - When you take care of yourself, your relationships work. What I mean by this, is that if you don’t honour what is in your well-being, and come from a place of trying to please people or to try to make them like or love you more, by giving them what they want, it always backfires. Take up any incidence of your life where you followed the “please people” way and not “please me” way. I am sure you would have realized that you suffered, your relationship suffered and ultimately the other person too. Only because your heart closes the energetic reach to the person. You can always say “No” with grace because when you do that, you gain respect and you are still viewed as generous and kind.

So use your power of choice to say “Yes” or “No” when you mean it.

You will get to your BIG THING, your most important thing, but later !

It’s amazing how many people I talk to who tell me they want to create a new blog, write a book, start a new business, change careers, make something new. But simply keep putting it off. Does it sound like your story? You want to do something different but you don't have the time (or energy) to do one right now? "My sweetheart, I love you, I miss you but I just don't have the time to meet you. A million of things in your to-do list, your schedule fully packed, meetings coming". You will get to your BIG THING, your most important thing, but later. In fact it is even my story till I learnt the art of creating time. 

I realized that I will never get to that time I want to do my BIG THING, till I learn to create one. Seize the bull by the horns, grasp it tenaciously, never let it go. Time has a habit of trampling over us, so softly we don’t even notice but so powerfully we become crushed over the course of weeks and years. And someone who have learnt to master this  art is all working women. It is beautiful to see how they manage home, office, kids, in-laws and still manage to create time for what they like (walk, dance, spa-sessions, gyms, whatever). They generally have no time to do it and yet the create one. I had no time, so I created it. Time is often said to be our most limited resource, but it’s not true. We can create time. It takes the sheer force of will to do it, but it can be created. Time doesn’t fall into your lap. It isn’t handed to you by a kindly old gentleman. You must create it, taking from the world the raw materials you need and shaping it with your bare dirty blistered hands, pushing the clay into form from its shapeless muddy glob. I created the time, taking some from television watching, some from meetings, some from saying no to the endless requests on my time by co-workers and well meaning friends, some from other important projects that I put off. I put off important things to create time for The Most Important Thing. Say no to everything else. Put off what can be held at bay for the time being. And create time for what is necessary. Make something. Bring new creative life into the world, change the lives of others, and in doing so, change yours.

Let's attempt it - its not so difficult. And as someone rightly said, if you conquer your will power, even Mount Everest will seem like a rock!

Cheers!

Siya and her Virus!

A very interesting conversation with Siya last night - she was typing a letter for me on my laptop when she saw a pop-up on some virus protection software installed on my laptop. Her inquisitive mind as usual could not resist asking me what it is. So I explained her what are viruses on the computer and how important it is to install a virus protection on it. She went to sleep after that and a thought came to my mind. We all take care of destructive viruses on the laptop but we really don't bother with destructive viruses acting on our mind. The more serious of these thoughts may lead to mental health problems such as loss in confidence, mild depression, self esteem issues and a distorted perception of ourselves (been there myself ;-) ). I think the book was "The Secret" where I read that science has proved there is a link between physical and mental well being and positive attitude in life. When you are happy and content with life and your thought processes are working correctly your brain releases endorphins which is your brains way of dealing with pain and making your feel happier. Your brain also releases something called Gamma Globulin to strengthen your immune system and another chemical called Interferon which combats viruses, infections and even cancer. But question is how? And may be the answer to that is not so simple but what has helped me is "thought awareness" that is when you recognize that the thoughts coming to your mind can lead to a downward spiral of negative emotions resulting in  physical and mental problems. 

So when I started my own business, at first I was (and still I am) really excited about the entire thought but then I soon realized my mind telling me "it is hard, it is difficult, it is not easy" so on. I recognized that I was talking to myself in a negative way. When you recognize this, it is very important to recognize for what it is. Your mind has tried to protect you from being hurt emotionally so starts talking to you in a negative way in order to protect your feelings. As soon as you recognize these thoughts are creeping in, its time to kill them and carry on with your plan. Everything you don’t know yet is difficult simply because you don’t know it, but when you take steps towards knowing, it becomes less difficult and therefore easier. When you recognize and stop the negative self talk your thoughts will then start naturally flowing to a positive mind state. Kind of like Siya where she believes she could do anything. We tend to dwell on negative events from our past in an effort to understand why they happened. This can often occur with traumatic events from our past. Just move on, what is occurred is unavoidable for us to change, spending hours on analyzing why it happened is wasting your TODAY. Use affirmations to train your mind. They could be any of the short phrases or sentences you repeat to yourself mentally in order to induce a certain state of mind. Like for me it is "Everyday in every way, I am getting better and better and better". I have been chanting this (almost like a prayer) for years and years now. I make it a point to tell myself this before a sales call, before a client meet, before handling a Siya tantrum. By stating affirmations to yourself in a mantra like way and repeatedly over weeks, months and years your mind becomes trained to think in a different way. If you don’t think this works think about your fears for a second or two. people who are afraid of going into elevators have literally used affirmations and visualization to train their mind to produce a state of panic whenever they have to enter an elevator. So it is true in reverse. People who are confident have affirmed, at every opportunity, to tell their mind they are confident in every situation and confident enough to try new situations. We all use affirmations in our lives without ever knowing that we do so why not put affirmations to good use and consciously train your brain to a better way of thinking. And I have just opened up myself to new experiences without caring for results. The very thrill of breaking the comfort zone everyday excites me. Again read this somewhere - Apathy is found within the comfort zone, greatness lives outside of it. 

I know it is not possible to control our thoughts, Alok Kejriwal had once mentioned as his status message "if spiders could see the cobwebs in peoples minds, they would step back and marvel at them...". Our aim is not to control our thoughts but to steer them in right direction!

My experience with JoyFear

I had heard this term JoyFear somewhere! I realized that the path of success is littered with doubt, fear, uncertainty and still lots of persistence, calculated risk and repeated actions. I personally think the difference between someone who fails and someone who succeeds is the courage to act repeatedly. There was a stage where I lived in a constant state of exhaustion. I lost weight, I had dark circles and the thought that always came to my mind was "I am not capable". And this feeling of "not being capable" is something that can drive one crying. And then I learned from Siya while she was growing. When she walking, she would simply focus on the step at a time. She would make sure she gets that step perfectly right, make sure she could balance it well and then only move on to the next step. If she would fall down, she would again stand up, try the same step till she got it. That is exactly what I decided to do. I will wake up in the morning, put one foot ahead of other, I am going to do it one step at a time. And that step is a forward step. Keep walking and you will reach someday to your goal. I am strong and determined and made sure I only focus on step ahead of me and I would not fail at that. And this every step is a mixture of two powerful emotions - joy and fear. Every single defining moment in my life has been filled with JoyFear, mixture of intense joy and intense fear into one ball of powerful emotions that both lift me up and make me see things clearly when I hadn’t before. What made sure that I would always propel forward?

• I would tell myself "I have to succeed and there is no two ways about it. When I started Jute, I had left a job that was paying me well, a job that was satisfying too, and still decided to plunge into Jute. All I said is "I HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK". Once you decide on success you rarely allow doubt to enter your mind. Your persistence, dedication, and resilience are strengthened. And then in my low days, I simply ping my well wishers and a meeting with them makes sure I am on track!
• I decided to take a risk. I decided to chase my fear. I decided to do what will scare me. When I would experience rejections, I would simply ask someone else. Be bold and brave and defy the odds.
• Be prepared - Unemployment is the world's fastest rising worry. Anticipate your needs but don't live in fear, create solutions in advance. In Ajit's language - What is your plan B?
• Focus on benefits of your success and not failures. That it self is a biggest motivation.
• Be with people who want to see you succeed. 
• Always see yourself as "you are enough". Accept who you are and where you are today. When you compare yourself to others, you create your own suffering. My friends were busy making their careers when I was changing diapers. I was too busy to care. What others think of you is none of your business.
• Finally calm your body, do something you like. Find a quite place and bring attention inward.

Unless you can learn how to move through your fear, you’ll continue to hold yourself back. You’ll never learn to risk, to excel, to create, to invent or to experience Joyfear.

Are you tired? Are you tired of getting tired?

There have been days when I simply just crash down and don't have the energy to handle anything that matters. There were times when I had it for a good number of days and finally sat back and decided that this problem needs a solution. I can't be struggling for so long. I need my energy when I get back home so that Siya can see me far more lively and feel happy that my mom is back and not run away saying "its time to get bored now". When you are tired, nothing seems appealing, life is dull, you don't get much accomplished and then to add to the complications, you don't even have the energy to change the situation. We have just got better with ignoring our body's signal - our body needs rest but much of the time we have trained our minds to pretend that body isn't tired, so that we can be more productive. This is wrong. It ends up in burnout and less production, because we inevitably run out of energy. Listen to your body — your long-term health and sanity depend on it. Mostly we’re tired because we don’t rest enough. Yeah, I know: duh, Purwa. But if it’s so obvious, why do we ignore it? For us, waking up early, getting stuff done, attending thousand meetings, being sucked in thsi online world, watching that idiot box - all of this is important than rest. If you’re like me, you drink coffee in the morning. You might drink more later in the morning, to keep yourself energized. By the time afternoon rolls around, you’re in caffeine withdrawal. This is often why people are sapped by mid-afternoon. We also run ourselves too fast, like a sprint, when life is much longer than a sprint. Try it: go outside and sprint all-out for two minutes. Stop, breathe for a sec, then sprint again. See how long you can keep that up — most can’t go very long. Our days are like a series of sprints (I was told this by my boss Girish Nair in netCore). My first suggestion is to take a nap. If you’re too tired to take other steps, taking a nap is easy. If you can’t take a nap, at the very least disconnect from digital devices. Computers and smartphones are powerful tools, but being on them for too long tires us out. Disconnect, get outside, take a walk. Cancel an appointment or two if you can. Stretch. Massage your shoulders. Close your eyes for a few minutes. Breathe.These are small things you can do right away, and they will help you become more rested. Sleep for longer hours in the night when you are tired - trust me, internet will not miss you at all :-). Do something that you like - in my case, it would be either reading, writing or dancing. I make it sure I at least remove 30min everyday for something that I thoroughly enjoy. Take stretch breaks at work - get the blood circulating and if possible exercise regularly. Business is NOT directly proportional to productiveness. Be less busy, have more gaps between meetings - Flush and Restart.Most of us multi-tasking but the truth is we are doing mental juggling. And there is only so much you can do in a day. focus - do one thing at a time and be fully present while doing that task. This really transforms anything you do, from work tasks to conversations to chores like washing the dishes. It’s less tiring, mentally, and it can make anything you do more enjoyable. Life is less tiring when you single-task. Read somewhere that drinking more water and keeping yourself hydrated makes you less tired. For me, I like to work with interesting people and will work only on something that I am excited about. Conversations with interesting people refreshes me.


Eventually, life is not such a mess as we think. Lets not waste time getting tired. My inspiration has been Siya. Hope we maintain this child like energy and enthusiasm always!

Learnings from my first business plan presentation

The classy part about internet is that one can share their learning and make sure that the mistake done by one are not repeated by others. So last week I had my first business plan presentation to an investor. Went pretty decent but I am sure I could have done far better by just keeping in mind few things which I already knew but did not implement.

1) Back to MBA days where we were taught this 10/20/30 rule - 10 slides, 20 minutes and 30 font size. My presentation went to about 45 min and I realized that after 25min, the presentation was not required. Most of these guys are always in a hurry and guess tight on time and attention.

2) My presentation included brief introduction of the company, team, description about me, Comprehensive project description: what I plan doing, what is my product/service, what are your major competitive advantages, my customer profile, how much investment and what is the proposed funding structure like own capital, direct investments, etc and other topics like all business plan have. What I conveniently missed is is the payback period. That was a real disaster on my part. I knew it but forgot to include in my presentation.

3) Apart from the negatives stated above, I think I was very good at the visual element of the presentation. Good creativity and the graphics communicated the same ideas and values as the bullet points. A pat on the back for that :-).

4) It took to a while to tell the marketing personality in me to shut up! This was consciously decided because I really did not want to sound to boastful. One of the slides had the word "game-changing". Not that the investor complained but when I just saw it right now, I did smile at myself. How funny I could have been to include this!

5) I could have done far better in my "Call to Action" section slides. A lot of things came up in the discussion which I realized they were there but not organized well. So make sure you put in 80% of the time for this final section. This is only what your investors are interested to know.

All the best guys and hope you guys learn from this too :-) !

Oh God, I am just so busy!

When I look back today, I almost feel like laughing on myself on how busy I use to be. I think I was just serious about my ability to be a superwoman :-). I could work for 16 hours per day in office, raise Siya, cook, dance, choreograph shows, exercise, travel, clean, network, facebook, blog and on and on. I could do it all and then some. I would always think that everyone is doing it all and so can I. But if I look back, I didn't want to really do it all. Doing it all made me exhausted, it cost me friendships, it cost me my health. My busyness wasn't even a bit silly. To get less busy was not an accident but a decision I made on purpose. This surely does not mean you compromise on your career or on your family or anything of that sort. I realized that by even being less busy, I was moving ahead, reaching closer to my goal. I made the decision that a busy life wasn’t a life for me. Being a good person, loving wife, mother, an inspiration for my sub-ordinates and friend…that was the life I wanted.More than that, I wanted freedom to do things that made made my heart sing instead of things that weighed me down. And most of the times it is because you are overwhelmed that you can't figure out how to change. Do you also have one these symptoms that I suffered from:

- People would ask me "how are you?" and my answer would be "very busy", "lots of work", etc
- I can only talk to family or friends in car because I have no time otherwise
- I forget that I am hungry and its lunch time
- I would check emails, facebook, linkedin several times a day.
- Prepare lists after lists so that you dont forget anything
- Would volunteer for almost everything just to make sure I am in good books of everyone
and so on and on.

All it needed me to do is (which I learned from my boss sometime back but implemented now):
- Be unproductive for 1 day in a week.
- check mails only x times a day
- delete all unwanted mails, do not feel that if you get lots of emails (which are really unwanted), you have lots of work.
- turn off your computer when you not working
- turn everything off in the car (except the car :-) )
- help someone
- do less, be more
- Delegate and give ownership at work place to your team and peers - Don't believe that you you are the only one who can do this best, be a mentor and a guide to help them achieve their best.

And I soon realized that I could still be as productive as before without being overwhelmed about my task list.

Chaos!

As my close friends tell about me, I do generally a lot of planning. Planning the year, planning the expenses, planning the career, planning Siya's career, plan cooking, plan, plan and plan. After I have left my current job, I took a conscious decision of not planning anything for roughly 6 months especially for myself. Of course, everyday was a big chaos. But I soon realized Chaos is creativity, and creativity is chaos. They are the same thing. Creative work doesn’t happen by plan and control. I do know a good number of people who are detail freaks and who are genuises too, but I am sure they did not have a plan to come up with a creative genius idea. It came to them because they were open to random thoughts, explored paths no one else had thought to look down, took an idea they saw from someone else and twisted it in a new way. Creativity comes from a place of chaos, and it’s only when you open yourself to this lack of control that you can come up with your best creativity.

Prepare our kids for a unpredictable world!

I somehow feel that kids in today's school system are not being prepared for tomorrow. The school system is still the same as it was at my time when things around have moved ahead. I have myself been in the corporate world and then the ever changing online world and realize how the world of yesterday is just so irrelevant. But hey, to make them children of tomorrow, we will need to predict the future. And here’s the thing: we still don’t. We have never been good at predicting the future, and so raising and educating our kids as if we have any idea what the future will hold is not the smartest notion. So the question still arises - how do we prepare our kids (for that matter even ourselves) for the world that is unpredictable, unknown? This requires an entirely different approach to child-rearing and education. It means leaving our old ideas at the door, and reinventing everything.
I have written about few of these skills in the past on what I do with Siya but re-insist them here with respect to this context.
Encourage your child to ask questions -  My boss in netCore once said "The best thing that you can give Siya is learning how to learn". What we want most for our kids, as learners, is to be able to learn on their own. To teach themselves anything. Because if they can, then we don’t need to teach them everything - whatever they need to learn in the future, they can do on their own. Luckily, kids ask questions naturally - all we need to do is simply encourage it. A great way to do this is by modeling it. When you and your child encounter something new, ask questions, and explore the possible answers with your child. When he does ask questions, reward the child instead of punishing him (you might be surprised how many adults discourage questioning).What I have also figured out over a period of time is that anything new be it new environment, new people, new office, new industry - all of it is nothing but solving new problems. Make sure you teach your child how to solve problems. I have seen mothers, when a child encounters a problem, they run themselves to solve it even without allowing their child to even try solving it. Don’t immediately solve all your child’s problems — let her fiddle with them and try various possible solutions, and reward such efforts. Eventually, your child will develop confidence in her problem-solving abilities. I would re-insist everyone to read the blog post Ignite your Passion - How? and Effortless Parenting where I talk a lot about being passionate about something. When I’m so excited that I can’t stop thinking about something, I will inevitably dive into it fully committed, and most times I’ll complete the project and love doing it. Help your kid find things she’s passionate about - it’s a matter of trying a bunch of things, finding ones that excite her the most, helping her really enjoy them. Don’t discourage any interest - encourage them. Don’t suck the fun out of them either - make them rewarding.One thing that has made me the way I am and thanks to my parents for it is Independence. Kids should be taught to increasingly stand on their own. A little at a time, of course. Slowly encourage them to do things on their own. Teach them how to do it, model it, help them do it, help less, then let them make their own mistakes. Give them confidence in themselves by letting them have a bunch of successes, and letting them solve the failures. Once they learn to be independent, they learn that they don’t need a teacher, a parent, or a boss to tell them what to do. They can manage themselves, and be free, and figure out the direction they need to take on their own.Siya also is a kid who is happy by herself. And this is without TV or video games or any other gadgets. She can spend time just reading or writing letters (recently started this new thing) to mom and dad or setting up her room or arranging her cupboard or simply just imagining. This is a valuable skill because it takes a while to have children being happy without parents. And because she finds happiness in making others happy, she has also become very compassionate. Show them empathy by asking how they think others might feel, and thinking aloud about how you think others might feel. Demonstrate at every opportunity how to ease the suffering of others when you’re able, how to make others happier with small kindnesses, how that can make you happier in return. And then finally, teach them how to deal with the change. I believe this will be one of the most essential skills as our kids grow up, as the world is always changing and being able to accept the change, to deal with the change, to navigate the flow of change, will be a competitive advantage. This is a skill I’m still learning myself, but I find that it helps me tremendously, especially compared to those who resist and fear change. Life is a adventure and things will go wrong, turn out differently than you expected and also break all the plans that you had made - but so be it. Life did not come to me with a instruction set - that's all a part of excitement.

We can’t give our children a set of data to learn, a career to prepare for, when we don’t know what the future will bring. But we can prepare them to adapt to anything, to learn anything, to solve anything, and in about 20 years, to thank us for it :-).

Teacher's Day

Following is the Full text of the Indian President's ( A.P.J. ABDUL KALAM ) address on the eve of Teachers' Day in India , 2003.


Dear listeners of All India Radio and teachers, my greetings to all of you.

I am talking to you on the special occasion of Teachers' Day. On this day, we gratefully remember the great educationist Dr Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, whose dream was that "Teachers should be the best minds in the country". Hence, Teachers' Day is very important for all our people, for our students and even for all the parents, as the teachers lay the foundation for creating enlightened citizens for the nation. On this day, I would like to recall three teachers who helped me in shaping my life.

To begin with I am going to talk to you about my father Janab Avul Pakir Jainulabdeen, as a teacher. My father taught me a great lesson when I was a young boy. What was that lesson? It was just after India got Independence. At that time Panchayat board elections took place at Rameswaram. My father was elected Panchayat Board member and on the same day he was also elected the president of the Rameswaram Panchayat Board. Rameswaram Island was a beautiful place with 30,000 populations. At that time they elected my father as Panchayat Board president not because he belonged to a particular religion or a particular caste or spoke a particular language or for his economic status. He was elected only on the basis of his nobility of mind and for being a good human being. Dear listeners, I would like to narrate one incident that took place on the day he was elected president of the Panchayat Board.

I was at that time studying in school. Those days we did not have electricity and we used to study under ration kerosene lamps. I was reading the lessons loudly and I heard a knock at the door. We never used to lock the door in Rameswaram in those days. Somebody opened the door, came in and asked me where my father was? I told him that father had gone for the evening namaz. Then he said, I have brought something for him, can I keep it here? Since my father had gone for namaz, I shouted for my mother to get her permission to receive the item. Since she was also on the namaz there was no response. I asked the person to leave the item on the cot. After that I continued my studies.

I used to learn by reading aloud in my younger days. I was reading loud and fully concentrating on my studies. At that time my father came in and saw a tambalum kept in the cot. He asked me "What is this? Who has given that?" I told him, "Somebody came and has kept this for you". He opened the cover of the tambalum and found there was a costly dhoti, angawastram, some fruits and some sweets and he could see the slip that the person had left behind. I was the youngest child of my father, he really loved me and I also loved him a lot. He was upset at the sight of the tambalum and gifts.

That was the first time I saw him very angry and also that was the first time I had got a thorough beating from him. I got frightened and started weeping. My mother embraced and consoled me. Then my father came and touched my shoulder lovingly with affection and advised me not to receive any gift without his permission. He quoted an Islamic Hadith, which states that, "When the Almighty appoints a person to a position, He takes care of his provision. If a person takes anything beyond that, it is an illegal gain." Then he told me that it is not a good habit. A gift is always accompanied by some purpose and a gift is a dangerous thing. It is like touching a snake and getting the poison in turn. This lesson stands out always in my mind even when I am in my seventies. This incident, taught me a very valuable lesson for my life. It is deeply embedded in my mind.

I would like also to mention the writings in Manu Smriti which states that "By accepting gifts the divine light in the person gets extinguished". Manu warns every individual against accepting gifts for the reason that it places the acceptor under an obligation in favour of the person who gave the gift and ultimately it results in making a person to do things which are not permitted according to law.

I am sharing this thought, with all of you, particularly the young ones, do not be carried away by any gift which comes with a purpose and through which one loses his personality greatly. Do you think, you can follow this in your life? I will be very happy if you can practice this sincerely.

When I think of my second teacher, I am reminded of my childhood days when I was studying in 8th class at the age of 13. I had a teacher, Shri Siva Subramania Iyer. He was one of the very good teachers in our school. All of us loved to attend his class and hear him. One day he was teaching about a bird's flight. He drew a diagram of a bird on the blackboard depicting the wings, tail and the body structure with the head. He explained how birds create the lift and fly. He also explained to us how they change direction while flying. For nearly 25 minutes he gave the lecture with various information such as lift, drag, how the birds fly in a formation of 10, 20 or 30. At the end of the class, he wanted to know whether we understood how birds fly. I said, I did not understand. When I said this, the teacher asked the other students whether they understood or not. Many students said that they also did not understand. He did not get upset by our response since he was a committed teacher.

Our teacher said that he would take all of us to the sea shore. That evening the whole class was at the sea shore of Rameswaram. We enjoyed the roaring sea waves knocking at the sandy hills in the pleasant evening. Birds were flying with sweet chirping voice. He showed the sea birds in formations of 10 to 20 numbers. We saw the marvellous formations of birds with a purpose and we were all amazed. He showed us the birds and asked us to see that when the birds fly, what they looked like. We saw the wings flapping. He asked us to look at the tail portion with the combination of flapping wings and twisting tail. We noticed closely and found that the birds in that condition flew in the direction they desired. Then he asked us a question, "Where the engine is and how it is powered"?

The bird is powered by its own life and the motivation of what it wants. All these things were explained to us within fifteen minutes. We all understood the dynamics from this practical example. How nice it was. Our teacher was a great teacher; he could give us a theoretical lesson coupled with a live practical example available in nature. This is real teaching. I am sure many of the teachers in schools and colleges will follow this example.

For me, it was not merely an understanding of how a bird flies. The bird's flight entered into me and created a special feeling. From that evening, I thought that my future study has to be with reference to flight and flight systems. I am saying this because my teacher's teaching and the event that I witnessed decided my future career.Then one evening after the classes, I asked the teacher, "Sir, please tell me, how to progress further in learning all about flight." He patiently explained to me that I should complete 8th class, and then go to high school, and then I should go to engineering college that may lead to education on flight. If I complete all my education with excellence, I might do something connected with flight sciences. This advice and the bird flying exercise given by my teacher, really gave me a goal and a mission for my life. When I went to college, I took physics. When I went to engineering in Madras Institute of Technology, I took aeronautical engineering.

Thus my life was transformed as a rocket engineer, aerospace engineer and technologist. That one incident of my teacher teaching the lesson, showing the visual live example proved to be a turning point in my life which eventually shaped my profession.

A student during his school life upto 10+2 spends 25,000 hours in the school campus. His life is, more influenced by the teachers and the school environment. Therefore, the school must have the best of teachers with ability to, teach and love teaching and build moral qualities. Teachers should become role models. Similarly, the student must be alert to build himself with best of qualities and to get ignited with a vision for his or her future life.

I would like to share with you another experience with my teacher Prof. Satish Dhawan. First, I worked in Delhi with the Ministry of Defence. Later I joined the Defence Research and Development Organisation (DRDO) in 1958 at the Aeronautical Development Establishment at Bangalore. There with the advice of the Director, I took up the development of hovercraft. Hovercraft design needed the development of a ducted contra-rotating propeller for creating a smooth flow balancing the torques. I did not know how to design a contra-rotating propeller though I knew how to design a conventional propeller. Some of my friends told me that I could approach Prof. Satish Dhawan of the Indian Institute of Science, who was well known for his aeronautical research, for help.

I took permission from my Director Dr Mediratta and went to Prof Dhawan who was sitting in a small room in the Indian Institute of Science with a lot of books in the background and a blackboard on the wall. Prof Dhawan asked me what the problem was that I wanted to discuss. I explained the problem.. He told me that it was really a challenging task and he would teach me the design if I attended his classes in IISc between 2 pm to 3 pm on all Saturdays for the next six weeks.

He was a visionary teacher. He prepared the schedule for the entire course and wrote it on the black board. He also gave me the reference material and books I should read before I start attending the course. I considered, this as a great opportunity and I started attending the discussion and started meeting him regularly. Before commencing each meeting, he would ask critical questions and assess my understanding of the subject. That was for the first time that I realized how a good teacher prepares himself for teaching with meticulous planning and prepares the student for acquisition of knowledge. This process continued for the next six weeks. I got the capability for designing the contra-rotating propeller. Prof Dhawan told me that I was ready for developing the contra-rotating propeller for a given hovercraft configuration. That was the time I realized that Prof Dhawan was not only a teacher but also a fantastic development engineer of aeronautical systems.

Later during the critical phases of testing, Prof Dhawan was with me to witness the test and find solutions to the problems. After reaching the smooth test phase, the contra-rotating propeller went through 50 hours of continuous testing. Prof Dhawan witnessed the test himself and congratulated me. That was a great day for me when I saw the contra rotating propeller designed by my team performing to the mission requirement in the hovercraft. However, at that time, I did not realize that Prof Dhawan would become chairman, ISRO and that I would get the opportunity to work with him as a project director in the development of the satellite launch vehicle SLV-3 for injecting the Rohini satellite into the orbit. Nature has its own way to link the student's dream and real life later.

This was the first design in my career which gave me the confidence to design many complex aerospace systems in future. The hovercraft could fly just above the ground level carrying two passengers. I was the first pilot for this hovercraft and I could control and maneuver the vehicle in any direction. Through this project I learnt the techniques of designing and developing the contra-rotating propeller. Above all, I learnt that in a project, problems will always crop up; we should not allow problems to be our masters but we should defeat the problems. Then successes will sparkle.

The three teachers in my life; what did they give me? In an integrated way it can be said, that any enlightened human being can be created by three unique characteristics. One is moral value system. That I got from my father the hard way. Secondly, the teacher becoming a role model. Not only does the student learn, but the teacher shapes his life with great dreams and aims. Finally, the education and learning process has to culminate in the creation of professional capability leading to confidence and will power to make a design, to make a product, to make a system, bravely combating many problems. What a fortune and blessing I had from my three teachers.

Among the listeners, there may be many parents, many teachers and a large number of students. Every one of us in this planet creates a page in human history irrespective of who he/she is. I realize my experience is a small dot in human life, but that dot has a life and light. This light, let it light many lamps.

My best wishes to all of you on this occasion of Teachers' Day. Thank you.

Focus and Passion

Today, while i was discussing at my work place with my boss, something really clicked me and made me question myself on what actually am I doing.

I am always been drawn to a lot of things, it's because people think I enjoy rush I feel when I am trying something new. The 80-20 rules applies here also. You might be able to learn 80% of a skill in 20% of the time it would take to master it. That quick progress is addictive and fun. This is exactly what has happened with me too.

It is only then I realized that in work, jumping from one thing to the next doesn’t necessarily pay off. You would land up in competition with people who have focused on one thing much longer than you have. You loose on competition!!! That is the reason focus is very important. One of the rewards of being really great at something is that eventually you’ll have the time and luxury of being able to try something else professionally.

And how does one ever figure out what should he focus on? It should be something that you are really passionate about (remember 3 idiots). Focus is important, but what happens when the path you’ve taken is more difficult or longer than you anticipated? That is where passion really come into picture. Passion can keep you from quitting when you feel like there’s no end in sight. Passion can help you enjoy the road to your destination enough that you don’t have to only rely on your focus to drive you.

These two things are good enough to rock your career right? :-)

What is "Forgive" and "Let Go" mean and How?

Yesterday for some reason, Siya was very angry with one of her friends and my suggestion to her was "Siya just let it go and forgive and forget about it". She precisely asked me what does "Forgive" mean? I really was lost and found it difficult to explain her. Decided to give a thought and write about the same today... (Seems like Siya is a big motivation for me to blog everyday :-) )

All of us, in some phase of life has been hurt by another person, we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt. Many a times this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We have a hard time letting go. This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain relationships, distract us from work and family and other important things, make us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens. Finally, whose loss is that?

We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy. This is something I learned the hard way. I surely helped me to be happier. Trust me, forgiveness can change your life.

Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.

If you’re holding onto pain, reliving it, and can’t let go and forgive, try the following:

• I would realize that I am hurt and I would wake up every morning and tell myself that "you need to forget it for your good". I would put in conscious efforts to let it go. I would think about the pros and cons. What problems does this pain cause me? Does it affect my relationship with this person? With others? Does it affect work or family? Does it stop you from pursuing my dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the benefits of forgiveness — how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.
• I would realize that I have no choice. You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You can stop reliving the hurt, and can choose to move on. You have this power. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
• Try this: put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to him in the past to make him do what he did? What could he have felt as he did it, and what did he feel afterward? How does he feel now? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize. Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.

So, today is my day when I will be trying to explain Siya what is meant by forgiveness. Forgiveness is like buying Happiness for yourself !!!

Is there a better way of explaining her the same? Do let me know.

Doubting yourself ? This is what I do...

Self doubt has been something I’ve struggled with all my life, from debating whether I could be a good mom along with a great career!!! Self doubt also makes me feel alone. Sometimes I think that I am the only person in the universe who suffers from a crisis of confidence, and you wish that I could be more like my neighbor.

When I go through such a phase, this is what I do:

Remember the past: I make sure I first recognize that I am loosing on confidence. The moment I start doubting myself, rather start feeling insecure I start thinking about my achievement in past, how did I overcome all big problems, how did I handle my bosses, etc. That itself make me feel a lot lighter.

Constantly write: I have this bad habit of writing down a lot and all kinds of things from personal to professional to many. When I go through a phase like this, I pick up the oldest book and start reading the same. (Now since I will be blogging regularly, hopefully could read the same)

Spend time with Vipul and Siya: Often, our loved ones can see our lives much more objectively than we can. They act like cheerleader for me and feel much better to just be with them.

Celebrate your successes: For me, every small achievement is a success. I love to dream and dream big!!! That actually gets me going in life. I live my life as if each day is a celebration. You ought to believe that when you wake up in the morning, you are awake to contribute to the world. And hence it is really worth celebration. Many a times I do come across to people as if "I think no end of myself" but that is not true. It is just that if I would not have done this work, it would not have completed and hence I have filled in a gap. Is that not worth celebrating?