What is "Forgive" and "Let Go" mean and How?

Yesterday for some reason, Siya was very angry with one of her friends and my suggestion to her was "Siya just let it go and forgive and forget about it". She precisely asked me what does "Forgive" mean? I really was lost and found it difficult to explain her. Decided to give a thought and write about the same today... (Seems like Siya is a big motivation for me to blog everyday :-) )

All of us, in some phase of life has been hurt by another person, we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt. Many a times this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We have a hard time letting go. This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain relationships, distract us from work and family and other important things, make us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens. Finally, whose loss is that?

We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy. This is something I learned the hard way. I surely helped me to be happier. Trust me, forgiveness can change your life.

Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.

If you’re holding onto pain, reliving it, and can’t let go and forgive, try the following:

• I would realize that I am hurt and I would wake up every morning and tell myself that "you need to forget it for your good". I would put in conscious efforts to let it go. I would think about the pros and cons. What problems does this pain cause me? Does it affect my relationship with this person? With others? Does it affect work or family? Does it stop you from pursuing my dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the benefits of forgiveness — how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.
• I would realize that I have no choice. You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You can stop reliving the hurt, and can choose to move on. You have this power. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
• Try this: put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to him in the past to make him do what he did? What could he have felt as he did it, and what did he feel afterward? How does he feel now? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize. Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.

So, today is my day when I will be trying to explain Siya what is meant by forgiveness. Forgiveness is like buying Happiness for yourself !!!

Is there a better way of explaining her the same? Do let me know.